For the past several years, I felt as if things weren't where they were meant to be in most aspects of my life. I've struggled with accepting who I am, what I am, and the things I've done. In the past few months, I've begun to notice how much things just seem 'right' in my life. For a long time I've been trying to put together the puzzle that is 'me' and I've been trying to force pieces in that don't belong. Some of those pieces were meant to fit elsewhere, and some were from another puzzle completely. I've worked long and hard to identify those that don't belong and search for those that do. And now it's as if the puzzle pieces are in place. I feel complete and whole.
There are many things that have led me to this place. And as I seek to re-establish this blog, I intend to explore those.
One of the major pieces that has fallen into place is my faith and spirituality. The community I have become a part of has shown me that it's OK to admit I have a personal relationship with God, to care about others, to care about myself, and to ask God and others for help when I need it. The Journey is full of wonderful supportive folks, and I'm very happy to have found them. I've also shared my struggles with depression and Compulsive Overeating with the women's Bible study group I attend. I found support and encouragement.
Sometimes we are led to things. A random last minute decision may lead to an event or experience that changes our lives. Such was the case for me last weekend. I wanted a new Bible to study from, so I went to Barnes and Noble. The first book that caught my eye in the clearance section is a book called 'A Course in Weight Loss, 21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever' by Marianne Williamson. The premise is that you examine your conscious to search for negative emotions and fear you've held on to, and then you acknowledge them and place them in God's hand, asking him to help you overcome them. You replace your fears with love, and in so doing you remove the root causes that lead you to compulsive eating. There are 'workbook' type questions to meditate and contemplate on as well, so it's a very interactive book. I feel as if I was led to this book, as if I was meant to read it and understand it. As I work through the book, I'll be sharing my discoveries here.
It is not always easy being a Christian in our society, especially living in Madison which tends to be more liberal. I've always found it difficult to say out loud that I'm a Christian, because inevitably those who don't believe in God or Faith make it their mission to prove to me that I'm wrong because I can't empirically prove that God exists. They fail to understand that you can't tell me that my experiences with God in my life are not real. I was there, I've experienced them. I've felt God's hand, I've heard His voice. Christians often get such spiteful labels. We are 'Bible Thumpers', we are 'fanatics', we are 'Cheerleaders for Christ', we are 'ignorant and blind followers', we are 'sheep' and so much more. But as a Christian, I see so much goodness that comes from Faith. Just because what I believe isn't popular, doesn't mean it's wrong.
This past weekend, Pastor Steve spoke about following Jesus, and how it's very difficult. And he's right, it can be, especially with all the peer pressure we face because it isn't popular to do.
I consider myself a strong person. And I have a LOT to be thankful for. I'm a very blessed person, and I know that when I'm quiet, and let myself be led by God, that I'm happy and it feels right.
So here's my resolution: I'm not hiding it. I speak to God, I believe in God, I believe in Jesus, and I believe that God is alive in our lives if we choose to acknowledge Him. If that makes me an ignorant Bible Thumping Cheerleader for Christ, then I have only one thing to say:
Rah Rah Sis Boom Bah... Goooooooo Christians!
Love love love it, Christine! :)
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