Why do you try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?

While reading the third lesson of A Spiritual Guide to Weight Loss last night, I had a revelation. And I want to share it.

This chapter is about realizing that your fear and the compulsion to eat to fill a void is bigger than you, but also realizing that God is bigger than that compulsion, and so by asking God for help, and believing that miracles are possible, you can overcome the compulsion and replace it with Love.

A particular passage struck me, about using weight to hide from the world and why that would happen. What is the root cause?

And that's where my revelation came.

I've always been afraid to stand out from those around me. But why? Because whenever I have let my talents, gifts and abilities distinguish me from my peers, I've been subjected to ridicule and derision.

I was a bright child. When I was young I was involved in Talented and Gifted programs. I was always reading and always absorbing the world around me. Intellectualism is just something that has always come easy to me. I've always excelled at what I chose to do and loved the challenges that come with continued learning.

But there were times when recognition from adults made me the object of ridicule from my peers. Gaining praise from a teacher for excelling on a test or a book report would lead to taunts of 'Teacher's pet, nerd, Smarty pants' and all other mean and hurtful things children often think of to fling at one another. In my young eyes, accolades from adults made me the target of my peers. At the time, I never realized that they were merely attention starved children who were jealous of the recognition others received. And since I couldn't very well say to all the adults in my life 'Listen, don't praise or acknowledge me in front of the others' I instead learned to with hold part of myself to fit in.

How many times have I known the answer, or knew a more efficient way to complete a project or task, but have kept quiet? Deep down I felt that standing out would make me lonely. I felt that no one would care about me, or be my friend. I didn't and don't want to live a lonely life. And so food addiction became a self delusional mechanism to balance out whatever natural skills I have so I appear less threatening to others.

There are 2 things in our culture that impact this:
1. Acknowledging your given skills and talents makes you 'egotistical' and 'arrogant'. Someone who says aloud 'Yes, I'm a smart person, I'm an intellectual, I'm a natural leader' is looked at askance and whispered about as being 'full of themselves'. And yet, should we fail to recognize the gifts we have been given by God? I'll get to more on that later.
2. Our culture views overweight people as less threatening. Don't believe me? Here's a joke I once had told to me: 'Why are fat people so jolly and friendly? Because they can't run fast enough to get away when they've pissed someone off'.' It's disguised as a joke, but think about the impact a message like that gives to impressionable children. Want further proof? Look to our media. How often do you see overweight people? What are the roles they play? They are the one to feel sorry for, the lonely heart eating a bag of cookies because they can't get the girl/guy. They are the passive aggressive ones. Or my favorite, they are the ones used as 'before' pictures in ads for the newest weight loss gimmick. Often, these people are not even overweight. They are normal. They are as God made them, but that isn't good enough.

And so I think, subconsciously, weight became a way to keep myself from being threatening to others. I didn't ask for the ability to grasp concepts and theories quickly and easily. I didn't ask to be given a very detailed and sponge-like memory. I didn't ask to have inherent leadership skills. It's just part of my personality. These are things I was born with. These are gifts from God!!!  I've been spurning God by working against Him to make myself fit in, rather than stand out.

Perhaps the gifts I've been given, the ones that I've always felt the need to temper, are part of God's plan for me. What if I was given these gifts to do exactly what I am doing now? What if I am part of God's plan to spread His love and the redeeming Grace of Jesus to others?



One thing I can say for sure: I know that I no longer need to fear being alone and unloved. I know that even if all abandon me in this world, that God's love is within me. And with God walking with me, I'll never be alone.